Today was the day I should have become a mother

Today was the day I should have become a mother

Shared from IVF Babble

By Lucy Marien

Today has hit me like a ton of bricks. Today is the 28th September 2022, and it should be a day of happiness. Today, I should have held my baby in my arms for the first time. Today I should be should be meeting our beautiful baby, but instead our hearts and our arms are empty.

Instead, our IVF was “unsuccessful”.

Today, I am left feeling lost, heartbroken, confused, upset and angry. Angry at what I wish I had known earlier about my fertility, way back when I was a younger, and devastated that I don’t have the financial means now to continue with IVF now that I do know.

I wish I could have known sooner about how hard the struggle would be or the impact infertility would have on my life, so I could have planned better and sought help earlier. I was just told to keep trying, and that it would just happen at some point. I wish I had understood how I could have protected my fertility. I wish I had known how to test my fertility. I wish I had known that time was against my fertility.

As I started to try to conceive, all I would hear was…”maybe relax and it will happen”.

At a young age, you don’t get taught about egg quality or quantity depreciating as you get older. Instead, you are taught how not to get pregnant. If I had my time again, I would look closer at my fertility. I would probably even freeze my eggs as a precaution for the future.

At a young age, you aren’t told about the financial impact of infertility.

When I think about all the money I blew growing up, on days out, holidays, cars, clothes and general rubbish. If I could go back in time I would have saved it all. Had I not blown all of that cash, I might have the money today to afford another round of IVF. A round of IVF that could lead to me being the mother I so desperately need to be. Instead, I am left with nothing to show, except memories of having the best time or the nicest car. Memories I would swap in a heartbeat just to be a mother.

I have always said I would be happy with the cards life dealt me. Today, I take that thought back.

Knowing that today could have been my day…….my happily ever after, where I had a little human to love and look after and eventually be called mummy has shattered my heart. My dream, my need has now slipped further away than ever, and now knowing that we will more than likely never be able to afford a round of IVF to give me one last chance is a bitter pill to swallow.

I don’t have the option of turning to the NHS for support.

Due to my husband having children from a previous marriage, I have been denied funding for IVF on the NHS. This horrible and inconceivable barrier in front of my future is truly heartbreaking. I am being penalized for falling in love with someone who has children….why should I be deprived this chance of motherhood?

If I had one wish it would be for a last chance.

One more chance. Just one more round of IVF in the hope that it would work.

I hope that wherever our baby is, he/she knows that they would have wanted for nothing, and been loved by so so many people.

As so many of you will no doubt relate, Lucy can’t just sit back and accept that this is it. With finances being her biggest barrier right now, she has set up a Go Fund me page in the hope that she might raise enough money to support her with another round of IVF. Lucy knows that so many of you are in a similar position, so she isn’t expecting miracles, but you will no doubt relate, when she says, “I have to give this one last try”.